The (in)significance of the bat mitzvah
Shani posing for her ‘book’
Israeli coming of age means big bucks
Although I thought my oldest daughter’s bat mitzvah celebrations in 2006 were over the top, I had no idea what was awaiting me with Shani, who will turn 12 this month.
I am finding that all the hoopla around my middle daughter’s bat mitzvah bash could rival that of a royal wedding. We’re not even talking about a big fancy ballroom party which American parents typically plan for since their child’s birth.
Rather, this is a kiddie shindig for Shani’s sixth grade graduating class of close to 70 children.
In all fairness, I must tell you that Shani is planning the party on her own. In fact, she has embraced it with the same level of determination and seriousness that a bride plans her dream wedding. From the selection of the venue to choosing the music and locating a bus company to transport the guests to the party, Shani is overseeing every detail.
So why am I kvetching when the only demands placed on me involve my car and my checkbook? Because I think that this generation of Israeli girls has gone overboard. The bat mitzvah celebration has become so commercialized that we are all completely missing the point.
When I became a bat mitzvah, I had a small party in the basement of my parents’ home. We played records and Spin the Bottle. There were chips and pretzels with Coke to wash it all down. I can’t even remember what I wore.
Flash forward to 2008 in Israel.
There are a whole slew of youth discothèques that cater solely to bar and bat mitzvah parties. They provide a DJ, fancy lighting, fake snow, chocolate fondue, an interactive fruit juice bar and loads of other “attractions.”
The party girl will have her hair – and maybe also her nails – done and she’ll be wearing the fanciest designer dress her parents agreed to buy. (Her guests, of course, will come in jeans.)
In order to enhance the atmosphere, we commissioned a song written especially for and about Shani to be played during the evening. That’s nothing; her friend’s family wrote and recorded a personalized music video which was projected on a big screen.
By the time the party rolls around, parents will most likely have dropped more dough than what the average Israeli earns in an entire month. Remember, folks, this is a three-hour dance party.
And let’s not forget the “book,” which involves a two-hour long professional photo shoot at a photography studio in Tel Aviv specializing in creating dazzling photo albums of bat mitzvah girls for display at their party. Shani was photographed wearing six different outfits, posing with various fashion accessories. The place felt like Grand Central Station with so many adolescent girls being ferried in and out by their mothers all afternoon, all for the same purpose.
I must admit that the “book” is absolutely stunning. Each page is elaborately designed using cutting edge computer software and the whole thing was printed and bound at a print house. At age 12, Shani has a photo album of herself that is 100 times fancier than my wedding album. (And she hasn’t even had her teeth straightened yet.)
I’m not saying there haven’t been any traditional bar and bat mitzvah initiatives this year. The children in Shani’s class undertook volunteer projects at school where they taught senior citizens how to surf the Internet, mentored 2nd graders, and performed community service by beautifying the school grounds. We parents also organized a bat mitzvah breakfast at school for the girls one Friday morning where each was “initiated” into womanhood.
Nevertheless, it is the bat mitzvah party that is all-consuming and the sky is clearly the limit for many girls. I only wonder what new limits will be set when it comes to planning their wedding.
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